Thursday, September 23, 2010

What Do You Truly Stand For?

(Whatever it is, that’s what people will remember about you.)

My Post-It® note starred right back at me. I’ve seen it a hundred times before. The ubiquitous sticky note was the marvelous invention of a church choir member named Arthur Fry who needed something to mark pages in his hymnal. Happily for the world, he was a scientist at 3M and in 1970, they turned his adhesive invention into what was to become a billion-dollar business. Nice work, Art. Thank you!

My Post-It note has a digital counterpart on my computer that pops-up on my calendar, but last Friday, it was different. My Post-It note read, Why do you do this every, single, day?

Last Friday, I travelled to Canton, New York. I knew I was in a small town because I would have had to drive to Canada, only 90 minutes away, to find the nearest Starbucks. It turns out that my visit there was the ideal place to ponder my day’s Post-It note message without the ordinary distractions. Canton is the “Mayberry-RFD” of the Northeast. Last weekend’s quaint Hope Festival welcomed people of every age with music, cider, and tables brimming with handmade crafts and home-grown produce, cakes, and honey.

Canton was where my friend, the Rev. Clinton A. McCoy Jr., made his home and it was the place where he would have his final home-going. Clint, 62, died suddenly on Sunday, September 12, 2010.

Clint was known and loved by many in Newark Presbytery and across the church as the Synod of the Northeast’s Executive for Partnerships. In that role, Clint effectively helped guide and resource the Synod and its twenty-three presbyteries. To many presbytery leaders like me, he was a listening leader, a wise coach, and I regarded him as my pastor. He will be deeply missed.

I arrived early enough in Canton to personally offer love and support to Clint’s family, to his wife Barbara and his grown children. I also had the honor of extending gratitude for Clint’s ministry on behalf of Newark Presbytery, the New Jersey presbytery leaders, and the Synod’s executive collegium. I enjoyed the stories, (mostly fishing stories, Clint’s signature activity), as I listened to them being tearfully recounted, shared photos were passed around in tribute to a man who added so much joy to so many people.

Walking from Clint’s home, past the Hope Festival, on the way to the funeral home for services, my Post-It note message replayed in my mind: Why do you do this every, single, day?

I thought about how Clint would have responded to that message’s question. Why do you do the things that you do? The family stories I had just heard hinted at the answer, but I could’t quite decipher it.

Clint got up every day, I imagined, as I did, right? Gratefully embracing the gift of life from a gracious God who, in Jesus Christ, sends us out into the world to be a blessing. Check-in with family and with God. Read the news. Write and pray. Review the calendar, tasks, and priorities. Miles to go before I sleep. Get moving! (Repeat daily.) Why do you do this every, single, day?

Arriving at the funeral home early, I thoughtfully gazed in solitude at the myriad photos of Clint on easels and images dissolving into one another up on the big screen. Why do you do this every, single, day?

I was with Clint less than a week before at the New Jersey Presbytery Partnership Group meeting at our West Orange Presbyterian Center. He looked great and more rested than he appeared at July's Minneapolis General Assembly. We spoke about the fading summer and calendared several meetings ahead for African-American ministry, college chaplaincy, and middle governing body challenges to be discussed soon in Louisville. Clint offered the same great insight and nurturing guidance we all expected of him. Why do you do this every, single, day?

As I stood there alone in the funeral parlor just ahead of the hundreds of others that would soon be arriving, I looked again at the photos and the “recreation” of the McCoy refrigerator-door gallery. Finally, as if I solved a riddle, it became glaringly obvious to me; There were no photos depicting Clint’s work. No photos from his long pastoral ministry, no photos of his Synod connections, no photos from the scores of Presbyterian meetings he attended. None at all. Why do you do this every, single, day?

Well, one thing’s for sure— “work” as I typically regarded it, was not what got Clint up in the morning. Clint was real. He stood for something that matters.

What you truly stand for is what people will remember about you if you were to move away. What did people remember about Clint? Whether at home, on the lake, online, or in worship and work, Clint expressed his “gift” of life rooted in family and expressed with intentionality, humility, and authenticity. Christ-in-Clint was visible in abundant faith and love, perfectly captured by the gathered stories and photos.

Now that I have thought more about it, that’s what Clint made me feel like— his family. The work he did was important because others were important to Clint. His life’s work was fundamentally about family, the family of faith, and the world.

What does your church stand for? What you truly stand for will be how people will remember you. What would the neighbor’s say? What would they remember about your ministry? What would the “refrigerator-door gallery” look like?

“The Lord’s message rang out from you not only in Macedonia and Achaia—your faith in God has become known everywhere (1Thessalonians 1.8 MSG).”

To effectively contribute to the change we want to see in this Presbytery, the community and in the world, we need to begin by understanding and appreciating each other, and those around us.

You rarely have time for everything you want in this life, so you have to make choices. Clint made his choices. We were all blessed. Hopefully, our choices and those of our churches will come from a deep sense of who we really are.

It’s never too late to begin living our lives with intentionality, humility, and authenticity. Christ-in-us is visible in abundant faith and love and through tangible and coherent actions. We know what photo’s are on Clint’s refrigerator door. What’s on your refrigerator door?

Kevin

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Loss of a Listening Leader and Friend- Clint McCoy Died

I just blogged about carefully choosing who you model your life on. I loss my listening leader and friend when Clint McCoy died Sunday. I am now abruptly staring into a future absent a special model who was taken by the Model Maker. I am sad. I feel badly for his wife and children, his neighbors and co-workers, and countless colleagues in the Synod of the Northeast and across the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.).
 
As much as I'd like to think its true, and in spite of my improvement, I am no listening leader like Clint was. The Rev. Clint McCoy served as the Co-Executive for Partnerships for the Synod of the Northeast and in that role he helped me grow and change. My wife Melissa and I enjoyed every conversation we had together and both affirm the debt I owed Clint for his contribution to my work of helping 8,000 Presbyterians in Newark Presbytery make different the lives of its 800,000 neighbors.

Clint has been a good friend and colleague to me for many years, helping me be my best in countless ways. He understood me. He believed in me and welcomed my gifts. He was committed to a transforming Presbyterian Church as we courageously followed where the Spirit led us. He somehow evoked the best in others and with the skill and patience of a fisherman, he always served up a feast of joy using the simplest of tools.

I was with Clint on Saturday at the New Jersey Presbytery Partnership Group meeting. He looked great and more rested than he appeared at July's Minneapolis Assembly. We spoke about the fading Summer and calendared several meetings ahead from African American ministry, to college chaplaincy, to middle governing body challenges; all of which he fully welcomed. Clint offered the same great insight and nurturing guidance we all counted on.
 
Returning to his home expecting one last Summer day on the lake with his wife, Clint died. In the sure and certain hope of the resurrection, please keep his wife, Barb, and their entire family in your prayers as they grieve this unforeseen and devastating loss. I spoke personally with the McCoy family and synod staff, trying to encourage them by reminding them of God's love and the support and prayers of Newark Presbytery and the Synod Executive Collegium,

Its painful to loose someone you admired, someone whose traits you sought to emulate. My Listening Leader now listens from a different vantage point. Clint is not sitting next to me at a presbytery meeting in the same manner. We are not on conference calls any more. He is no longer encouraging me to figure out how to release the health and vitality of churches and their leaders in a stressed but changing system. The hopeful counsel I sought must now come less from Clint and more from what I learned of Clint, as he followed Jesus.

Life is not a dress rehearsal. I hope I paid attention. I will be forever grateful knowing Clint did.

Kevin

Sunday, September 05, 2010

Doing Your Creative Best

Who impresses you? Hopefully lots of people do. People who model the very best actions and deliver value in whatever sphere of influence or discipline they engage in often serve as actual or distant mentors and help us achieve our creative best.

In order to determine who impresses us, we must make a judgement. Sometimes our judgement is sound, other times it is deficient. When our judgement is a bit off when looking at others, it can be disappointing, but when looking at ourselves with deficient judgment, it can be disastrous.

We all need to improve our skills in making accurate evaluations or judgements about events, ourselves, others, and the world. In stressful situations, our ability to make accurate judgements is diminished. When functioning in a less than optimal way, or when impaired by internal or external factors, we often substitute our biases, preconceived notions, and false assumptions as a way to cope. Rather than becoming self-aware of deficient judgements so we can take responsibility for what we actually see and have evidence for, we settle for misjudgment in making an evaluation about the situation or person.

Planning to participate in a meeting? How we make sense of the world is a critical skill worth improving because it affects more than just ourselves. Since our judgements are not always right or helpful, we can repeatedly assess our internal resources and choose more positive and constructive attitudes so we are open to new data, receptive to new perspectives, and responsive to God's preferred future of hope and growth.

Sometimes we settle for believing we know what's going to happen in the future. Am I thinking that I can predict the future? How likely is it that that might really happen? Becoming aware of our own needs for approval or our misjudgment about others can impair the preferred outcomes for a meeting even before the meeting starts. Gaining clarity with reliable data can set the stage for true engagement and mutual growth.

Our history and experience affects our emotional reasoning, sometimes in adverse ways. We conclude that since I feel bad, it must be bad! I feel anxious, so I must be in danger. Just because it feels bad, doesn't necessarily mean it is bad. My feelings are just a reaction to my thoughts and thoughts are just automatic brain reflexes. Differentiating between real and imagined danger is essential to healthy living. Being more aware of our history and experience, dealing with it in a constructive manner, can free ourselves to being more invested in the moment and respect the situation or person in a more authentic way.

As you work you plan this September by planning your work, consider the advice of the Apostle Paul: "Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life" Galatians 6:4-5 (MSG).

What's your creative best? You are more likely to experience your creative best when you are fully aware of your own judgements and open to the preferred future God is impressing on you.

Friday, September 03, 2010

Changing Your Mental Filter

What are you thinking about? Whatever it is, pay attention to it because what we think about affects our actions.

Psychologists, pastors, and educators all know that our thinking is influenced by our actions and attitudes. Visualization coaches and trainers recognize that realizing high achievement requires mastery over our thoughts. Take a minute and consider your thinking habits.

Getting control over our thinking begins by changing unhelpful thinking habits into more productive ones. Once you can identify your unhelpful thinking styles, you may become aware they often occur just before and during distressing situations. If this is your experience, you can try different techniques to refocus your mental frame of reference and choose alternate thoughts empowering yourself to see the situation in a different and more helpful way.

The Mental Filter- Some thought habits can function like filters allowing us to notice only what the filter allows or wants us to notice, and we dismiss anything that doesn't. Like looking through dark lenses or paying attention to only the negative stuff, anything more positive or realistic is dismissed. Ask yourself, Do I only notice the bad stuff? Am I filtering out the positives? Am I wearing those dark glasses that cloud my thinking? What would be more productive and realistic?

"Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse" Philippians 4:8 (MSG).

What thoughts help you grow and change?

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Good Enough

Good Enough?
I love technology and gadgets (I know you're surprised, right?). Just after high school, I worked for the Naval Surface Weapons Center in White Oak, Maryland as an electronics apprentice. It was great. Secret security clearance, cool technology gadgets, and I learned about design, production, PERT charts, and saltwater specs for electronics. (Most of what we built went on really big ships.)

Many times during the day I would submit my apprentice-level project for inspection and the senior engineer would say, "That's good enough for government work," and pat me on the back. I soon learned that Good Enough was the best you could do given the circumstances of skills, resources, and the timeframe for completion.

Good Enough has nothing to do with mediocrity. It has to do with rational choices, as opposed to compulsive behavior, or making decisions with ourselves at the center of attention, (like, that's good enough so I can go do something I'd rather be doing.) Good Enough is not low-balling or just getting by. Good Enough for a team or office could express itself as opportunities to:
Learn on the job,
Learn from failure,
Cope with complexity,
Cope with humanity,
Continuously improve on delivering your mission more effectively.

Good Enough thinking encourages smart skepticism and helps you get to the key deliverable of your work or ministry quickly. It helps us realize that benefits always come with problems. We have to be really smart to be Good Enough. Our task is not to blindly eliminate all problems. (Can't be done in the real world.) What can be achieved is to understand well enough a projects's problems and benefits to:
Eliminate (or prevent) the right problems;
Deliver the right benefits.

By focusing on how your clients/customers/members/community interacts with your product/service/ministry/deliverable you will begin to wisely evaluate what the "right" problems to eliminate are and what "right" benefits must be experienced.

Experiment with Good Enough where you work. I'd like to know what Good Enough means to you. To get started, at your next team meeting, or one-on-one with your directs, prepare to discuss the "Top 5 Right Problems I Will Eliminate (or prevent)" list, and a separate list of what you think are the "Top 5 Right Benefits I Will Deliver." See what happens.

Where could Good Enough take our mission? If it's Good Enough for government work, is it Good Enough for you?